Holy Night

In memory of a special Leilet el Kadr with my family at the mzar.

Holy night upon me, laid its light upon me,

and blesse’d grace around me, was in every face, in joy.

Every heart tore apart its poisons

in sweet peace, that soft fleece of seasons,

in dreams of love and light.

Children slept, and star-struck

soared in dream-flight, their wings unfurled.

Miracles of the ether, glad they wept

from wisdom of the world, and wonder.

Grownups played, jumped and yelled

as youth welled up inside them.

It made away with the worry

away with the hurry, away with the shadows

of the day.

Gone were the dark tomorrows,

Gone was death, gone was decay.

Back the white lightness came

and life again the sweetest game.

Reverent I went

amidst them, astruck.

Up the roads I went, those bright lodes

of magic unstruck, to the place of grace,

of holiness, of God.

Small and simple it was,

poor, humble and grey.

But where it lay

there the wood and the stone

warming shone.

When I entered, power unhindered

swept my pride aside. It towered

high above and yet was deep inside.

It made the air sing praise so fair

to all of Creation and to her Creator.

So, awed, I lay down and prayed

until my self cried and swayed,

exulted and strayed

out of thought and out of time.

Here I stand on this sacred land

beside the cold hand of him for whom

your gates are wide. By this Hermes’ tomb,

Lord, the way, the way is shut for me,

show me day!

A prayer I sent, and heartfelt it went

up with a hundred more. In answer I heard

all in my heart, heard the idylls part

the lips of strangers, my sisters and brothers.

A repentant prayed for the forgiveness of God,

the forgiveness of Man, and God’s forgiveness of Man.

A student prayed for success, for no less

than to do well and to do good, to understand

and to be understood.

A mother prayed for divine strength,

to lead a soul on the right path

to achieve her goal in patience and in joy.

But a child in the corner said the prayer

most true: “I love you God, you are the best.

You keep my family, please keep them well.

Thank you God, for I love them well.”

These prayers came together, welded and melded

my soul together, my soul to them all.

I heard the call

to love, and to learn,

that true joy

is the joy of us all.

And hearing these strangers’ songs

made me think of all the places I had never seen

and seen beauty there, and never been.

It made me think of the song that loving hangs

amidst skies unknown, to the gentle tangs

of mountains and of seas, to the sweet strangeness

of the breeze.

It made me think of the ode that written soars

through all the doors

I’ve never knocked on, to so familiar minds,

upon their kind hearts to lie.

It made me think of the carnivals of joy I feel

for every bright joy that is not mine,

the joy of every smile or laugh

that from the heart does shine.

It made me think of the soft music of dreams

that sounds in my mind.

My only dream now, is that music to find

unfolding in the world around...

Carrying candles and our heavy mantles,

we all went out from there. We stood and looked above

at the billion twinkling lights. We lit our candles and

raised them to the stars on high.

Together we set them down, and left with a sigh.

We left but did not leave, for our candles did weep

hot tears for us, and did breathe

their sacred breath to the untainted sky.

And there they did weave

our finest prayer; a prayer too deep,

a crown too high, to be wreathed by human words.

For every second I spent there, not one second

but was a lifetime of truths. And my visit was all of history,

and all my memory could well be lies.

But holy night, your memory burns in me!

My sight fails in your light, and yet farther I see.

And so the holy night that was upon me

still lays its light upon me,

though the sad earth is still the sad earth

and hearts hold poison, no peace in the season

life is a burden, and love is a pain

and though death and decay still reign.

Fouad Bouzeineddine

December 27, 2004